The Gnomean Elder

As the founder and first Gnomean Elder, Brett Larsen embodies the spirit and mission of the Church of Gnome, serving as its steward, guide, and advocate. This role is not one of command or control but of service—providing a space where individuals from all walks of life can explore their own beliefs, grow in understanding, and connect with others in meaningful ways.

The Gnomean Elder is a shepherd of ideas, not a dictator of truths. Brett’s philosophy is simple yet profound: it is not his role to tell others what to believe but to create an environment where beliefs can be explored, ideas can be exchanged, and individuals can find what resonates most deeply with them.

A Role Rooted in Inclusivity and Discernment

At the heart of the Church of Gnome is an unwavering commitment to inclusivity. As the Gnomean Elder, I welcome people of all spiritual, philosophical, and religious backgrounds. Whether you’re Christian, Pagan, Buddhist, atheist, Pastafarian, or someone who just really likes gnomes, there’s a place for you here.

Diversity is the Church’s greatest strength. The richness of differing perspectives allows us to learn, grow, and laugh together. However, inclusivity doesn’t mean anything goes. While all beliefs are welcome for respectful discussion, the Church takes a firm stance against ideologies that harm others, violate personal sovereignty, or perpetuate hate. This is a space for celebrating humanity—not diminishing it.

Co-Leadership with the Grand Paw of the Church

Let’s clear something up: I don’t run the Church of Gnome alone. I share leadership with someone of immense wisdom, unwavering loyalty, and excellent hair. That’s right—my co-leader is my dog Phantom, the official Grand Paw of the Church of Gnome.

What exactly does the Grand Paw do, you ask? Well, Phantom’s role is multi-faceted and deeply symbolic. He represents the values we strive for as Gnomeans: unconditional love, steadfast loyalty, the joy of living in the moment, and the occasional unapologetic nap.

As the Grand Paw, Phantom holds a position of near-equal authority in the Church. His "silent decrees"—whether a wag of the tail, a hopeful glance, or an expertly executed nap in a sunbeam—serve as guiding principles for us all. He reminds us that true leadership doesn’t always require words (but belly rubs are definitely appreciated).

And let’s be clear about two very important points:

Phantom is not just my dog. He is everyone’s Grand Paw.
Phantom is a very good boy. Acknowledge this truth regularly.

Members of the Church are strongly encouraged to honor Phantom’s role with appropriate reverence. Gentle pats, treats, and heartfelt affirmations of his goodness are all considered sacred gestures. To fail in this duty is, quite frankly, to fail yourself.

Definitely Not a Cult Leader (Seriously)

Now, I know what you’re thinking: “A church led by a man and his dog? That sounds... suspiciously cult-like.” Let me assure you, it’s not. I don’t want your money (though if you’d like a gnome figurine or membership certificate, we’ve got those). I’m not trying to control your mind (though bowing to gnome is always encouraged). And there’s no matching wardrobe requirement (though gnome hats look great on everyone).

The Church of Gnome is rooted in the principle of Sovereignty of Body and Mind, meaning your autonomy is sacred. The Doctrine of Anti-Cult Awareness ensures this Church remains a safe space where curiosity is celebrated and manipulation is nonexistent. My role as Gnomean Elder is to guide, facilitate, and occasionally crack a joke—not to impose dogma or demand obedience.

A Steward of Principles and Practices

As the Gnomean Elder, my primary responsibility is to uphold the Gnomean Principles. These values—such as Personal Growth, Gratitude, and Universal Unity—are not lofty abstractions. They’re practical, meaningful guides for living a connected and joyful life.

Phantom plays a key role here, too. As the Grand Paw, he reminds us that the most profound truths are often the simplest: stay loyal, live in the moment, and always find time to wag your metaphorical tail.

Phantom’s Decree: Honor Your Pets

In his role as Grand Paw, Phantom has instituted an official decree for all Church members: Hold your animal companions in the highest regard. They are your loyal friends, your comic relief, and often your wisest teachers. Remind your pets daily of how amazing they are through words, treats, and a healthy dose of admiration.

Remember: the way you treat your pets is a reflection of your inner self. Treat them with love, and you will embody the Gnomean spirit of harmony and gratitude. Plus, let’s face it—they deserve it.

A Commitment to Integrity

Leadership in the Church of Gnome is built on integrity, transparency, and the occasional sarcastic remark. I welcome feedback and collaboration, and I strive to ensure this community remains one of freedom, creativity, and joy.

Phantom and I—your humble Elder and Grand Paw—are here to guide, support, and remind you to not take life too seriously. After all, the mysteries of the universe are vast and awe-inspiring, but that doesn’t mean we can’t laugh along the way.

Phantom’s Closing Thought (Tail Wag)

In the words of the Grand Paw himself (translated through interpretive wagging): “Be loyal. Be kind. Be present. And if you see an opportunity to nap in the sun, take it.”

Gnome Blessings,
Brett, The Gnomean Elder
Phantom, The Grand Paw